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The apostle Paul said in one of his letters to the early churches, and I paraphrase "Why is it that i do not do what I want to do and do what I do not want to do?"

Why do I keep sinning?
Is it not that I have received the Freedom of Christ? Is it not now that I have been freed from the chains of sin and death? Is it not now that I stand before God clothed in righteousness in His sight?

Why do I keep on willfully sinning?
"I do what I do not want to do, yet I do not do what I want to do..."

1 John 1:9 NIV "If we confess our sins He (God) is faithful and just and will forgive us of all our sins and cleanse us of all unrighteousness" - bears me no meaning when I know that I am going to commit that same sin again.

Why does it seem that I am still chained by sin when I know i should be free from it?
Why do I still sin knowing full well that it is wrong?
Why does it seem others live such a close walk with God yet I cannot say with conviction that I feel God's presence anywhere?
Why does it seem that I struggle to deal with sins I commit while others seem not to be sinning?

My prayers are meaningless when I know that I have sinned and will do so again when I ask for forgiveness. All I do is repeat the sin, thus putting him back on the cross (metaphorically), and repenting, going in that endless cycle...I CANNOT TAKE IT!

I know full well deep down in my heart that the devil has to control over me because of Jesus' blood...yet I still feel I am mired deep in sin. Why?

The only evidence of any shred of the Holy Spirit in me is that I am still able to confess and repent. But what point is there in repenting when you know you're just going to do it again and again?

Is there no escape from this spiral? Will I never be rescued? I know my life is Christ's, yet how can He accept someone as filthy as me?
I sin yet I do not want to sin, while I want to live a life that is holy yet it is far from it.

The fact that I am a sinner in and out has never rang more true in my life than this very moment...

...Cry out for their mistakes, repent of their ways again
I'm sorry I didnt see Your Ways
Your beautiful ways...

The time has come to be healed
Let your wounded hearts cry out to Him
Be healed of your past pains
He's taken them away
Believe this...

Oh Father,
By your blood we're restored
Our lives forever changed

Lord, I believe in you
You've FREED me from sin
Every time that they scarred your skin
Every moment of your painful death WAS FOR ME
WHY for ME?
Never should I look away...forget of what you did for us...

You are God, You rose again... ~from Lord I Believe- Phanin Souer, 2006


Lord Jesus, Abba Father, please remove this part of me. I want to be able to respect myself, and not be ashamed of what I do. I want to live a life free of sin, to be free in You, to know full well that I'm forever in Your arms... To see your Glory, to experience it, and come back and never be the same ever again. I ask you back into my heart once more, and I pray that you will never leave, that you will always dwell in me. Make me a worthy vessel for your Spirit. Give me the strength and the instinct to turn straight to you when things go even slightly awry and not rely on what I consider my strength sufficient. I pray that there will be many more days where I can experience Your love firsthand in your embrace, and where I can share Your love with others...

Amen

"Where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is FREEDOM." Where there's God's freedom, "there is no condemnation for those who are in Christ."